Riding home after Christmas

I'm baaaack. It was... like usual but for some reason I feel it worse year after year.
Maybe it's cause I'm the youngest child in my family now. And I'm 17. No need to keep the magic, huh? All we have now is some presents (not even suprises anymore cause nobody bother finding anything for me, I got some money and have to spend it for myself), alcohol on the table and lots of food. If not Christmas tree and Home Alone in TV I wouldn't even notice it's not any other time in the year. We don't even have much snow in this part of Poland. Something is missing. And I'm the infidel there, haha.
I feel like I lost something on the road here.

In general I feel bad cause I had too much time for thinking and it never ends good.
Oh, and I still can't draw shit but now started caring about it which prolly isn't a good way.

And whole family thinks I'm going to draw for living. If I don't decide to be a doctor(or anything around cause I know how hard it is), but still it's like the second choice. Well, thanks mum. I thought you tried hard enough to put any thoughts about it out of my mind and it worked, I already decide it's only a hobby, I'm going to study something else etc etc AND NOW WHOLE FAMILY KNOWS from YOU that I'm still thinking about art school? Wait what.
Maybe I was supposed to object and do whatever I wanted? Or maybe something suddenly changed but why I don't have any idea about it?

I feel like somebody opened old wound. One of deepest ones I ever had in my short happy life.



Nothing more to say, hope you have a good time
Lynx